Home at Last but not for Long
Yesterday we spoke with the internist that is Dad's primary doctor. She had been out for a few days and was getting caught up on his charts. We all met with her and the case manager who we have determined solely exists to give the 'boot' to patients. Even when Dad was in ICU, she was trying to get him moved out to another facility. I keep wondering if this is all financially driven, can we just write her a check or something so that he can stay a bit longer without the constant threat of imminent 'bootage'?
Dr. Kolla prefaced everything by stating that we need to think about what Dad would want as far as quality of life goes. She said that, if it were her, she would not want to live like Dad. At the very best, he will be wheel chair bound, may be able to eat, may be able to watch TV, we don't know about reading, would be able to recognize family, have some conversation skills, and some mental impairment due to the right side stroke. He would live in a nursing home. That's the best case scenario. All the other scenarios are varying degrees of worse and also include the possibility that Dad will stay much like he is now - bed ridden, at times able to speak, at other times not really 'there', not being able to see and not being able to swallow. The 'odds' of the better scenario as described by Dr. Kolla were about 5%. Nathan and I chatted the whole way home, with Kleenex in hand, about what we think Dad would want. Would he think the 'best' case scenario was good enough? We doubt he would. If we continue to proceed with aggressive treatment and he makes it to the wheelchair scenario, did we choose that path selfishly because we so desparately want him to be with us? We keep praying that God will show us the path that we're meant to take. I think we may be hard of hearing because the path doesn't seem obvious to us. God, can you speak up?
Yesterday, as we were getting out of the car, Nathan got a call from Brent. Apparently their recent visit had been interesting. The day nurse stopped them and told them about a conversation she had with Dad. He apparently was very lucid and they talked about his condition. She described the two options before him - nursing home or hospice. She said that he said 'yes' to hospice. When she re-asked which choice he would want, he actually said, "hospice". Brent plans on following up with Dad to see if he can talk about these options with him and he'll have a chance to speak with the same nurse again to better understand this conversation.
On a positive note, we're back at home. I've decided that I REALLY like our home. Somehow we always sleep better on the 'bed of red' and Blake was glad to no longer have to share a twin bed with one of us (he's 70 pounds so you can imagine the quality of sleep we get with him sharing our bed). The bushes and arbor that we installed the day we 'got the call' have survived and are doing well. The tulips are all up, some at the end of their blooming cycle, the bleeding hearts and Solomon's Seal are blooming. I can't help but think that Mom must be looking down from heaven smiling at seeing the plants that she brought to us thriving in our flower beds.
My Mom, Toni G. aka Baba, is coming up tomorrow. She plans on staying with Sasha so he can stay on his schedule and not be stuck at the hospital or house for long periods of time. It's hard when you're three. Heck ... it's hard when you're 40.
Nathan's birthday is tomorrow. We think we're going to move all the early May holidays to another month .. perhaps June would be better. We'll go back to Iowa on Thursday.
Dr. Kolla prefaced everything by stating that we need to think about what Dad would want as far as quality of life goes. She said that, if it were her, she would not want to live like Dad. At the very best, he will be wheel chair bound, may be able to eat, may be able to watch TV, we don't know about reading, would be able to recognize family, have some conversation skills, and some mental impairment due to the right side stroke. He would live in a nursing home. That's the best case scenario. All the other scenarios are varying degrees of worse and also include the possibility that Dad will stay much like he is now - bed ridden, at times able to speak, at other times not really 'there', not being able to see and not being able to swallow. The 'odds' of the better scenario as described by Dr. Kolla were about 5%. Nathan and I chatted the whole way home, with Kleenex in hand, about what we think Dad would want. Would he think the 'best' case scenario was good enough? We doubt he would. If we continue to proceed with aggressive treatment and he makes it to the wheelchair scenario, did we choose that path selfishly because we so desparately want him to be with us? We keep praying that God will show us the path that we're meant to take. I think we may be hard of hearing because the path doesn't seem obvious to us. God, can you speak up?
Yesterday, as we were getting out of the car, Nathan got a call from Brent. Apparently their recent visit had been interesting. The day nurse stopped them and told them about a conversation she had with Dad. He apparently was very lucid and they talked about his condition. She described the two options before him - nursing home or hospice. She said that he said 'yes' to hospice. When she re-asked which choice he would want, he actually said, "hospice". Brent plans on following up with Dad to see if he can talk about these options with him and he'll have a chance to speak with the same nurse again to better understand this conversation.
On a positive note, we're back at home. I've decided that I REALLY like our home. Somehow we always sleep better on the 'bed of red' and Blake was glad to no longer have to share a twin bed with one of us (he's 70 pounds so you can imagine the quality of sleep we get with him sharing our bed). The bushes and arbor that we installed the day we 'got the call' have survived and are doing well. The tulips are all up, some at the end of their blooming cycle, the bleeding hearts and Solomon's Seal are blooming. I can't help but think that Mom must be looking down from heaven smiling at seeing the plants that she brought to us thriving in our flower beds.
My Mom, Toni G. aka Baba, is coming up tomorrow. She plans on staying with Sasha so he can stay on his schedule and not be stuck at the hospital or house for long periods of time. It's hard when you're three. Heck ... it's hard when you're 40.
Nathan's birthday is tomorrow. We think we're going to move all the early May holidays to another month .. perhaps June would be better. We'll go back to Iowa on Thursday.
posted by Tamara at 9:11 AM
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